Of Inappropriate Portals to Narnia, old books, and new projects

There is an old chiffarobe that has been in our family for several decades. It was my uncle's and mine and now my oldest child uses it. And yes, I definitely checked inside the wardrobe door more than once as a child to see if I could get to Narnia. Anyone who wouldn't is a commie.

At one time I mentioned to my son that he could pass it on to another family member one day. His response was "No way, when I die it is going to be my coffin." It was a response that was meant to be funny and it prompted in me a question as to the ramifications of using an obvious means for travel to Narnia in such a way. What if the passage to Narnia finally opened up and bodies rained from the sky?  No. Don't ever use a wardrobe to build your coffin. The risks far outweigh any potential benefits.

I use this dark humor as an odd segue to discuss my favorite books I have read this year. It was really a bad opening but when I tell that story I can hear my children's laughter in my head and that makes me smile, so I'm leaving it.

It has been a good reading year for me. I started off strong and will probably finish a good 20 books by the end of the year. I normally make time to read four or five books and spend the rest of my time wishing I were reading more while re-watching The Office for the fiftieth time. So while my goal is to raise my average reading to even greater heights, the fact that I have poured through 16 so far in 2019 is a pretty big deal.

Also there is a saying "Show me a writer and I will show you a reader"  and my writing is taking off since reading more! I am working on a fantasy novel right now, the progress of which I will update here as time goes by. All I will say is that right now I am about 40% of the way through the first draft. Of course writing takes time and editing takes time and publishing is a painstaking process of hurry-up-and-wait but once it is done I will publish it and we can celebrate!

More on that book later. The books I want to talk about are C.S. Lewis' Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, and That Hideous Strength. These are often referred to as the Cosmic Trilogy or the Space Trilogy. The short version of the review is simply this: these books are amazing go read them right now!  

Lewis crafts a science fiction story that builds less upon fantasy of interstellar travel for personal glory and more on the fear of the unknown, grappling with spiritual struggles in a physical way, and Christian philosophy in the face of unfathomable evil. 

I don’t want to spoil anything. But the basic premise of the first book is that Professor Ransom finds himself kidnapped away to Mars to be used as human sacrifice to the unsettling creatures there. Ransom’s adventure on Mars causes him to question his assumptions and biases as well as confirming the proper realization of what it means to have a Christian faith in the face of any circumstance. 

Briefly, book two takes us with Ransom to Venus as he assists in the infancy of a planet’s spiritual life, attempting to help avoid the mistakes of Earth. 

That Hideous Strength sees Ransom as a major force, but one mostly behind the scenes. The ideas of submission to pure evil in pursuit of power versus standing for reason and truth are prevalent. There is also the story of a married couple who only spend moments together during the book but come to the same conclusion separately that marriage means something and that they not only owe something to one another but need something they can only get from that relationship as well. I’ve heard some criticize this as presenting the woman as weak and helpless but I wholeheartedly disagree. She is a great character who acts bravely outside of the norms of her society. If either of them is weak it is the husband, but in the end both must find humility and submit to their love for one another.

The mythology built in these books is a fictionalization of Christianity but one that emphasizes Christian truth. As a Christian I found arguments made by Lewis' characters to strengthen my own larger philosophical understanding of the faith, even though this is not the primary purpose of the book. For the unbeliever, there is something appealing in the narrative alone, but those matters of a biblical worldview may help a to understand where Christians are coming from. In this age of simply throwing out anything we don't immediately agree with, I think this could be very beneficial. And at the core of it all is simply an amazing story, well told. 

Since reading these books, I find myself accidentally referring to things with the language of these books. Recently I have been reading about new age and spiritual warfare and I struggle to refrain from calling demons “Eldil”. Another example of this is that the other night my kids were watching a TV program about the planets and when they got to Mars I instantly thought "Oh look! Malacandra!"

One important note--while these are not graphic in any great detail, these are NOT Narnia. Recommended for teens or older. For a younger child these books will either go over the head, cause great confusion, or give a nightmare or two! 

If you want three excellent reads go pick up the Cosmic Trilogy. None of them are huge time investments either. Lewis can be dense even in a few short paragraphs when he gets to philosophical matters, so that can at times cause me to slow down and think about what I am reading, but for the most part I would say that none of these took me more than a week to read. And I want to say that the first two books were only day or two each.

I will hopefully have more to say about more books in the future. But these are my favorites this year. Nothing has topped them yet.

Happy reading! I hope it is fall where you are, the leaves aren't changing much in the Black Hills, but today the air is crisp and clean!

It bears repeating...

Sometimes I think I am simply over being “nice”. It has become synonymous with “weak” and “masked” and “false”. Thus, the compulsion to “be nice” whether internal or external results in an inability to say anything of real value in my writing.

This is not to conflate “nice” with “loving” which is something completely different and also very necessary. We are commanded in 1 Peter 3:15 not only to be prepared to give reason for the hope that is in us as believers but to do so with gentleness and respect. That attitude of love behind our words is of immense importance but take a look at Peter’s words and actions throughout the book of Acts and you will find the man knew how to call sinners to repentance and when “nice” wasn’t going to cut it.

I often find myself trying so hard to clarify and protect against being misunderstood that I never actually get to say anything. Or I think through all the nasty things people might say and I clam up. That is part of why you don’t see me blogging anymore. That is part of why I have been off of social media for the better part of the last year. Who can dare to raise their voice for truth in a culture that insists that we tailor our speech to avoid any form of offense?

Well as I said, I’m over it. I am so far from perfection and certain that some of my thinking is flawed but God has seen fit to give me a world of experience and education so who am I to sit on that and stand by inactive for fear of exposure?

I have traveled the world, spent three years living in Europe, taken a mission to the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, and served for a full year in Afghanistan. I have years of experience as a non-commissioned officer in the United States Navy. I have two master’s degrees and I am generally well read. I have created art on stage and have served as CEO of a $5M/year non-profit ministry. I am a published and produced playwright and most importantly a husband and father. I have sinned and received grace and I have been sinned against and learned to forgive.

I’m just saying, I have some things to say.

Foremost is this and I hope I can express this every time I sit down to write: None of my experience, accomplishments, or goals mean anything apart from my identity as a child of God.

I believe the words I read in the Bible and in God’s Word I learn that I am a sinner. That there is a standard of holiness to which I have never matched up, not even from the moment of my birth. My sin disqualifies me from existence in God’s presence for how can what is impure withstand before the Holy?

God is sovereign and omniscient. He knows all that was or ever will be. He knew man’s heart would continually turn to rebellion to His commands and yet he still proclaimed it “good” to make man in His own image. God’s “good” clearly transcends man’s common understanding of the concept.

What is overwhelming to me each time I consider it is that God, in His divine decree provided a way of atonement for sinful man from the outset. Genesis 3, moments after the fall of man, God gives the first messianic prophecy. The first chapters of Leviticus, a book often criticized as legalistic when quoted, are God explaining the way of atonement for the inevitable times when His people will mess up. It brings God glory to bring man into communion with Himself. He does not leave us to our sin.

And when the fullness of time had come, God sent His Son, his own self—Jesus to be the ultimate fulfillment of the law. The ultimate atonement for the sins of man. The fulfillment of Old testament prophecy. He bore the consequence of our sin on the cross and became the final sacrifice for our sin. Having no sin of his own, death could not hold Him, and he rose victorious over the grave and reigns over heaven and earth.

Two thousand years before I was born, Jesus bore my sin on the cross. That through the salvation of sinners like me, undeserving of grace, glory would be brought to the Father. I have value only because the Creator of the Universe loved a wretched sinner like me and offered redemption when damnation was my due.

And this is not good news for me alone, it is good news for humanity! Man’s search for meaning is culminated in finding our identity in Jesus Christ. Only in Him do we find true love, true joy, true hope and true peace.

If we confess with our mouth and believe in our heart that Jesus is Lord, God has promised to save us, to wash our sins away and redeem us. With such a confession we are called to turn away from all that separates us from God and walk in the light of truth.

Life on earth is still hard. There is still illness and injustice. It is a world marred by sin. But as followers of Jesus our joy rests in the knowledge that our reward is in heaven and that we can endure all things through Christ who strengthens us.

The hardness, the “not nice” of this message, is that if we take Jesus at His word, and we must, then there is only one truth, one way to salvation. We can’t work it out on our own or get there by another path. And in placing our trust and faith in Him, we must die to ourselves. Put off the old man as it were. Yes Christ paid the ultimate price for our sin, but to follow him still requires us to walk away from our own desires and take up our cross and follow Him. People don’t like hearing that, but it is a vital matter we must work through to let go of control in order to truly know Him.

I invite you to seek the truth of Jesus Christ for yourself through the scriptures and to place your trust in Him. Connect with other Christians and join me on this narrow path as we die to self in order to be alive in Christ.

Things I've Learned So Far this Year Part 1: Picking Fights

I have heard this type of story before and probably told of few of my own. "How I defeated the door knocking evangelist" "How I used my wrist watch to ruin the life of  an evolutionist" "How I made that lady cry for daring to disagree with me in Sunday school". People either don't know what to say when the Mormon missionaries and Jehovahs Witnesses come calling or they choose to fight and humiliate these nice folks and then brag later in the men's locker room we call the church fellowship hall. 

Mine is a story of neither.

Well maybe part of the former but none of the latter.

Ok maybe I recently exhibited some of both, but the point is I’m learning from it instead of hiding behind it.

Each year some really super nice folks from the local Kingdom Hall come around inviting us to their commemoration of the death of Jesus. I normally don't engage frankly because I can't keep all those apologetic arguments straight in my head. I know that the essential difference always comes down to how we identify the person and work of Jesus Christ, but I can’t remember which group says what. I don't improvise. I preach from a manuscript that is prepared from research. I would die in an extemporaneous debate. 

However I was working on our house, and I saw two women pass the window. As I answered the door I thought "What on earth am I going to say?" 

They extended their invitation and what poured out from my mouth was something like, "No thanks, but here let me pray for you because it is my hope that you will truly understand who Jesus is instead of who your group has made him out to be."

I prayed. I prayed a prayer of thanks for the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was almost more a confession of faith than anything. A presentation of the Gospel through prayer. I prayed for these nice ladies to learn the truth. When I opened my eyes they were gone. 

Obviously my prayer had been too powerful and had caused both of them to be raptured on the spot. That was a reasonable assumption right? Alas I looked up the block and they had moved on to my neighbor's house. I prayed for them again silently because if they knocked on his door they were likely in for the quintessential old man on porch with shotgun. 

This is not a tale of my victory over Jehovah’s Witnesses. This is a tale of my defeat. All I did was scare these women away. They didn't listen to me one bit. All I had at the end of this encounter was a good joke about the rapture, nothing more. 

The Sunday School argument would be "You planted a seed Thomas! Don't despair! The Gospel offends people you can't be surprised by that."

Ok so best case scenario is that I planted a seed. But there is a good chance that seed fell on the path or among rocks or may grow and be choked by the weeds around it. I'm not trying to be negative just honest with the way I was received. I am sure I wasn’t the first person to question the veracity of their faith system. Could God use this experience to help these women? Yes. But it will be despite me, not because of me.

As to the second part of that Sunday School argument: I am more and more coming around you the conclusion that yes, the Gospel does offend, but that doesn't mean God wants His people to be offensive. 

As Christians, we seem to relish bad behavior as long as it is in the proper context. There was a time when I would have worn this story as a badge of honor. And I'm not ashamed of it, just aware that I acted out of panic and not compassion. 

But does God command us to be abrasive or to be bold? There are many places in scripture to see an answer but here is the one I have repeatedly come back to since high school:

2 Timothy 2:22-26 ²² Flee from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. ²³ But reject foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they breed quarrels. ²⁴ The Lord’s slave must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, ²⁵ instructing his opponents with gentleness. Perhaps God will grant them repentance leading them to the knowledge of the truth. ²⁶ Then they may come to their senses and escape the Devil’s trap, having been captured by him to do his will.

I don’t think this passage needs a lot of exposition here. The point is fairly clear. There are youthful, immature reactions—quarreling, ignorant disputes—that do nothing for the cause of Christ. But Paul instructs young Timothy to be mature, to be gentle to all pursuing righteousness, faith, love and peace. Paul does not fail to impart the absolute importance of the message to be taught. There is nothing here to suggest that we can’t or shouldn’t speak truth with confidence and boldness when we share our faith with others.

But there is a line between effective witness and belligerent intolerance. It is easy to fall prey to emotions when having a friendly debate about beliefs. But we have to separate it out and remember that the only emotion we should feel in a presentation of the Gospel is love. And it may be tough love, but even a parent who has to discipline their child doesn’t rejoice in that child’s humiliation.

Love is bold to be sure. If we love others as Christ has instructed we will not back down in a moment to share and educate about our faith. But there is this perception that God somehow needs us to defend him from the dissenting opinion. Here is the long and the short of the dissenting opinion: it changes nothing. If what we hold as biblical truth is in fact biblical truth then God doesn’t need us to fight off attacks on His character. Rather He has commanded us to instruct and teach in gentleness and love.

Perhaps when we hear the doorbell and find theological opposition at our door it is simply a natural reaction to feel as if we are at risk.

But when has this faith been about reacting naturally to what life throws at us?

The Big Reveal and Public Confession

All right, this is a hard one. Almost more difficult than talking about PTSD in the last post. Understand that while the home I grew up in was by no means oppressive there were certain social mores to which one was expected to live up to. These tended to come more from the world around me and less from my parents, but the one tended to affect the other.

You are a Southern Baptist pastor’s son…there are expectations.

I carried these expectations with me through life. Even if no one had them for me anymore, they remained attached. As an adult entering ministry I continued to impose them on myself even though I got the feeling my congregation didn’t much care as long as I did my duties and stayed faithful to God.

You see when I was in the Navy I gave most of the “forbidden” things a try. I played some blackjack (not my thing) drank some alcohol (a little bit goes a long way) and at one point had a plan for how I was going to go to Amsterdam and sample marijuana when I left the service (decided that never trying drugs was an acceptable choice). I was thrilled to learn that I did not have addictive tendencies for these things and could leave them behind me as easily as I partook.

Then on a trip to London I decided to try something new. I walked into a shop on Oxford street.

“May I help you sir?”

“You know I think I’d like to own a pipe.”

“Are you a smoker?”

“Nope, not at all.”

“Then why do you want a pipe?”

“I don’t know. Just curious. Seems...British.”

The man came around the counter and reached into a basket and handed me a simple piece of brier. Straight and smooth. A shape I would later come to understand as a classic billiard.

“This is a nice simple straight pipe, cheap too. If you decide to smoke it you should get a good idea of whether or not it’s for you.”

He gave me a sample of some mild tobacco and some written instructions for packing and smoking and sent me on my way. Thus began a hobby that has stayed with me in some form even to the present.

Yes my friends, this is my confession: I am a pipe smoker.

This shouldn’t be all that surprising. I mean my profile pic on the blog is me on the beach in Jacksonville smoking the very pipe I mentioned in this story.

I’m not going to get into a huge defense of the hobby except to say that it is just that: a hobby, not a habit. A heavy smoking week for me is three bowls of tobacco and I once decided to take a week off of smoking and didn’t light a pipe again for three years.

I might also mention the lack of added chemicals in pipe tobacco, the fact that pipe smokers do not inhale into their lungs and a myriad of other arguments we in the pipe community make to try to ease the current stigma of tobacco usage and distance ourselves from cigarettes.

We might recall that such modern heroes of the faith as C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien and Charles Spurgeon were smokers. Alternatively, perhaps we could devise an argument akin to those who insist that wine in the Bible was grape juice that C.S. Lewis was just hanging onto a bubble pipe while drinking his root beer in a local church owned restaurant…

Anyway, I know tobacco is controversial. And that this is a very “un-baptist” hobby to enjoy. But if feels good to get it out there so I can now publicly go smoke privately in my back yard...if I feel like it…in a day or two.

I leave you with this: "A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth." - C.S. Lewis

Why I Haven't Been Writing

Of course I don't have to explain an absence or delay in posting if I have no reason to suspect that I have any current readership. Then that one guy has to randomly say "I thought you were blogging" and the wave of guilt crashes over you as if you've robbed the world of something. As inconsequential, as my blog has been even back when I wrote more frequently, I can tell you that for the majority of my time away the reason for my slack has been quite simply a busy schedule with too much to focus on. 

Study ceased to be the primary focus of my work and ministry and so writing took the same hit. From 2013 to 2015 I wrote two or three new sermons out of necessity. I was too caught up in the work of ministry to study and contemplate Scripture on the level I would prefer. If I'm not pondering God's word and the mysteries of life, not making observations on the world around me, then I've not the time nor material to write as I would like either. 

But for the last year I have had all the time on the world to think and write. So what was the issue? I have been overcome by fear. Pure unadulterated fear. 

Many who know me also know that I rose quickly through the ranks of a large Christian nonprofit in my area only to have the rug pulled out from under me with no warning or reason given. I call it a coup, but to be fair I am ignorant of anything that went on behind the scenes and nothing was explained to me. I went from CEO to mall security guard to substitute teacher to stay at home dad. I had time to think, and time to write. 

But I couldn't do it. My initial problem was one of anger. It would be easy to start blogging and lambast those who had wronged me. To try to pull back the curtain on my perceptions of corruption in the system that had failed me. But would this actually help anything? Time and time again I felt an overwhelming conviction that this would take me nowhere. I would write that post or letter to the editor and while it helped to get my feelings out on paper all I could think was, "What does this serve?" 

Then came the fear. I found myself in a position of bona fide ministry failure. I had not failed morally (as is so easy a slope to find oneself on these days) and because of the way I was let go I couldn't point to any matter of my work or leadership style that had led to the problem. I had failed and I didn't know how or why or if I was even responsible. Still my voice was silenced. What could I say or do that would help anyone? What insight could I possibly bring forward? I was afraid (still am) that to express an opinion would be to open myself up to immediate criticism. From whom I do not know, but every time I would start to form a thought or opinion on paper I would hear this voice saying, “Right as if any of us should listen to a failure!”

Added to my lack of confidence was the fact that with no super stressful job to distract me, I had to now face my PTSD. Since returning from Afghanistan I had managed this demon by throwing myself into work. I would go to counseling and psychiatric appointments to get just enough help to survive. But never face the issue head on. Anxiety and self-loathing ruled over me.

I’m not here to describe my symptoms and triggers or to gain sympathy or support. Just to tell my experience. Finally at the beginning of this year I could take it no more and confessed the full breadth of my struggle to my wife. I’m not ok yet, it isn’t managed yet, but I’m getting the full scope of help I need instead of scraping by and that is what’s important. I’m taking off the mask and letting my scars show instead of keeping up the façade that everything is fine and perfect. I am a good actor, it is easy to lie to the world and pretend life is good.

So that’s it. That’s why I haven’t been writing. I lost my voice so to speak but I am trying to get it back.

But what to do with the fear? In my weakness, I have found strength in God’s word. Let’s consider Jeremiah 29 in which God addresses the exiles through Jeremiah’s letter. This chapter has often been taken out of context in an effort to make ourselves feel good or help people swallow name it and claim it doctrines the most misused verse is 11 which says,

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

The misuse of this verse revolves around people declaring that God has a tailor made plan for their personal welfare on earth in the here and now. Tell that to the believer in the third world country. Or as a friend of mine said the other day, “Walk into a children’s cancer ward and say that you [expletive deleted]!”

The verse, the entire chapter has context. And that context still allows the believer to find hope in God, not because of a specific promise but because of His nature. Just to be clear God is not addressing me or you personally in this verse. He is addressing exiled Jews in Babylon circa 722 BC. This promise refers specifically to a promise to return Israel to their homeland in time.

I am not exiled, I’m not Jewish, I live in 2016, I have an iPhone. I have nothing in common with the addressees of this letter. I’m not looking for the type of restoration they were asking for. Why then should this verse speak to me? Because my hope is not in what God will do for me, but in God’s promises to His people. The Bible is full of those promises. In Jeremiah 29 we have a promise that was verifiably fulfilled. God did return his people to their land, and He did provide for their spiritual welfare.

I find strength knowing that I serve a God who keeps His promises.

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

God called me to faith and to service to His Kingdom. The short years I have spent in full time ministry contexts may be all I get but God will complete the work He started in me. That doesn’t mean I will absolutely be restored to ministry, it doesn’t mean that I will be a pastor or great spiritual leader in my community. It does mean that God will be glorified in all that He has allowed me to do for Him. And should I never see the completion of that work with these two eyes, I can rest in the peace and assurance that God keeps His promises.